I found out that my friend is opting for marriage due to the fact that she got pregnant. Her husband to be is however a responsible man( according to what she tells us). We do not know much about him but she says he is explicit.
According to her, he is the one who carried her tuition and upkeep burden on his shoulders whenever her parents could not make it happen. Automatically that counts as bride price in a way because her parents are more than willing to give her away to the gentleman.
Recently We met up as friends. We are a group of five with me inclusive. We got to talk and that is when she gave us the shocking news that she was actually pregnant. Whereas I was shocked, the rest seem to be unfazed. Like they knew about it all along or maybe like they had actually expected it to happen. One actually went ahead to tell her,
"Eh mama, Lucky you. At least you have given birth early and by the time we give birth your child will be all grown up!"
Many thoughts occured to me. First of all I did not know it was such good news to give birth that early, well that is according to me and two, why was she saying "we"? Not all of us actually planned to start families. I guess they noticed my silence and a question was thrown in my direction.
"Why do you look thoughtful? As if you won't be having kids of your own."
First of all she was right. I have never planned on having kids. The thought has never even occured to me. I confirm her question by honestly telling her I have never planned on having children. I have never even loved the thought of it. You can't imagine the gazes I received. They made it feel like I was inhumane for not wanting kids but in my head I was going like What's there to like about having kids?
Many people go with bandwagon and choose to have children they are not ready for. In our society, men dictate on when to have children and when not to. Some even threaten their partners and say if they are not willing to bear children for them the they would leave them.
What the statistics say
Have you seen the statistics about abortion in Uganda specifically? Let me enlighten you. According to World Health Organization, three out of ten of all pregnancies end in induced abortion and nearly half of all abortions are unsafe and they occur in developing countries, Uganda being one.
Keep in mind that abortion is only legal in limited circumstances for instance if a womans life is highly esteemated to be in danger if she keeps the pregnancy and it should be done by a licensed doctor yet approximately 85,000 women each year recieve treatment for complications from unsafe abortion. Do we still wonder why? They are not ready for childbirth but went ahead to eat the forbidden fruit!
Let us look at the statistics collected about birthrates in Uganda. In 2020 the birthrates were 1,669.84 thousands while in 1971 they were 466.81 thousands. This means the birthrates have grown at an average annual rate of 2.64%. There are already this many children in the Country and you still are dying to add on when it is not your own wish?
What about the parents who give birth but abandon their own kids?
Some dont leave the physically but they deny them even the slightest attention they deserve. I wouldn't like to be that kind of person.
I still stick to my decision. As long as I have not thought of having children, peer pressure or bandwagon won't work on me. Only bear children when you genuinely want them. Wouldn't that make a lot of sense?
