We have all been heartbroken at one point (or definitely at way to many points) in our lives. You may have been heartbroken by your family, by a friend, by your boss or by your lover ( the worst heartbreak if you ask me).
The deepest pain is not left by the heartbreak however but it is left by the deep scar that is left behind. That deep scar that adamantly refuses to heal, you know what am saying.
It is always those lingering feeling that hurt the most. Yes, they hurt ten fold more than the actual heartbreak would ever hurt. Agree or not but it is not the memories that are painful.
Am sure you have made beautiful memories with someone who broke your heart. It is the fact that these memories refuse to fade away that hurts the most! “Why can’t I forget it?” “Why cant I erase the memories?”.
You may never be able to erase the memories but you can learn to live with them. This is what is referred to as getting over a heartbreak.
If you ever get to a point where you reminisce about the past but feel no remorse deep down, or maybe you even can talk about the past heartbreak with ease then you have surely gotten over your heartbreak.
Every memory of the past brought me pain and longing. Reminiscing was never a good idea for me. Whenever I traveled back in that time machine, it brought a knot In my heart. In my heart of hearts, I wished I could just forget, erase my memory and flee the cage of the past but it seemed impossible.
I was more vulnerable about the past than I could ever imagine and in the end, I gave in and let the past control me. How wrong I was! Later, however, I learnt that I could hold my head high and walk through the pain. After all, a breakup was more like a fever and it would eventually heal. I learnt how to get over a heartbreak.
How to get over a heartbreak.
Don’t mute your feelings.
Take time to reflect on what you truly feel. Make sure to be honest with yourself. You must have felt wronged, disappointed, hurt, fooled and many more (it can even be all). Let it all out. Cry if you need to, vent to a close friend or confidant and refrain from bottling up those feelings.
It is also okay to write out any thoughts or feelings that you may have about the breakup in a letter that you will never give your ex.
You can burn it afterwards or tear it into tiny unreadable pieces or even toss it out in the ocean in a bottle. It is also okay to just speak your thoughts out loud. The best way to get over a heartbreak is by letting those feelings out rather than bottling them up. You will feel relieved once you let it out.
Do things that make you happy.
If there is that particular thing you have always wanted to do, this could be the time to do it. You may have had thoughts of travelling, writing g a book, watching a particular movie, hiking up a tall mountain or reading a certain book.
That is the perfect time to do it. Not only will it relax your mind but it will help you get a few thoughts off your head.
Some times, you may find that you could not do a particular thing before when you were in a relationship just because your partner was not agreeable with it.
It is your chance now that he or she is gone to go out there and get it done. Picture this. You may enjoy it and being able to do it makes you feel good about separating from your partner because with them, you were not able to do this particular thing! Think about it.
Reconnect with your support system.
I recall when I was in a relationship. There are friends I had to let go of simply because my partner disapproved of them. Am sure am not the only one. Is there that one friend you had to let go of just because your partner did not want you around them? Well, it is time to reconnect with them.
Do not be afraid to let them know how sorry you are about cutting off connection with them, or how wrong you were for choosing and prioritizing your relationship over your friendship with them. You will be surprised how closer you could get with your support system. They in turn will pull you out of this miserable state.
You will need a therapist.
Most people think they do not need a therapist. You are very wrong. We all need help at a particular point in our lives.
I know that there are heartbreaks you can go through easily on your own but there are heartbreaks that will drive you to the point of depression . Do not wait for it to reach to this point before you seek for help.
You need more help than you think you do. Give yourself a chance to get help and this way, you will not walk through the pain alone.
Be patient with yourself.
Do not be too hard on yourself. Sometimes you want to heal in the same amount of time that a close friend of yours healed from a heartbreak.
It doesn’t work that way because we are all built differently. Do not put yourself under pressure to try and get over your heartbreak sooner than you actually can.
If it is forced, it can never really work out. Let your healing come naturally because that is the best way to get over a heartbreak.
Distance yourself from that failed relationship.
If you are trying to get over someone, it is best that you distance yourself from them rather than having them close. Having a person that has heartbroken you close to you will only make you remember the heartbreak more clearly rather than erase it from your memory.
When you give yourself space from this particular person however, you take time to clear your thoughts and it makes it easier to get over the heartbreak.
Do away with souvenirs.
Your partner gave you a watch, scarf, necklace, dress , shirt or a perfume? Toss it in the trash. Once you decide that it is done and you want to get over the heartbreak, you do not need stuff that reminds you of them around d you. Do away with the souvenirs and it will be easier for you to do away with the heartbreak.
Date yourself for a change.
Take yourself out, understand yourself, have time with yourself, respect yourself and love yourself more. The perfect love always begins with you and no one else. Trust me when I say that no one will be able to take his self love from you once you get it all figured out.
Dating yourself will also make you understand the kind of people you want around you and then you will never settle for less than you deserve. When you realize your self worth, you will get over any heartbreak.
Don’t jump into another relationship yet.
What is with people jumping from one failed relationship right into another? You are still in pain, still struggling with past trauma from a recent heartbreak and you are diving into the arms of another heartbreak? How do you do that? Take time to heal.
Do not be deceived into thinking that rushing into another relationship will make you forget the pain in the past one. Find peace in your mind and only then can you get over a heartbreak.
Don’t wait for an apology.
If you sit around and wait for a partner that wronged you to give you an apology, the joke is on you. Move on and don’t wait for closure which you probably will never get. Life your life the way you want to live it and you will be able to get over that heartbreak.
Frequently Asked Questions.
How long does it take to get over a break up?
You can never know. Whereas the poll's results suggest it takes an average of about 3.5 months to heal, while recovering after divorce might take closer to 1.5 years, if not longer, you can never be certain when you will get over a break up.
What are the 5 stages after a breakup?
Even if you were the one who initiated the split, there are five stages of grief that you will go through. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Mental-Health-Matters.
Why do men move on so quickly?
There are likely several reasons for this. According to science, Men are not reinforced or socialized for emotional communication the same way as women, relationships may often have a different functionality for men, and men at a certain younger age may not feel the same pressure about family planning and marriage
Why is a breakup so painful?
Post-breakup, your brain can enter a state of acute wanting that can make it difficult to focus on anything else. In fact, this relative deficit in the neurotransmitters associated with pleasurable feelings can even give rise to symptoms that resemble clinical depression
Why is silence powerful after breakup?
It puts you in control. Silence after a breakup puts you in control and makes you feel empowered. It allows you to communicate your feelings without having to actually speak to your partner again. The thing is, especially when you are the one getting dumped, it can feel as though everything about this situation is out of your control.
