Cheating is one of the most painful and devastating experiences that anyone can go through in a relationship. It can shatter your trust, confidence, and happiness. It can also lead to serious consequences, such as divorce, separation, or emotional trauma. That's why it's important to know how to spot the signs of cheating and what to do if you suspect your partner is being unfaithful.
What Is Cheating?
Cheating, also known as infidelity, is when a person in a monogamous romantic relationship has an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else without their partner's consent. Infidelity, however, doesn't have a one-size-fits-all definition. What one couple would consider cheating might be a healthy part of another couple's relationship. For example, is an emotional connection with someone without physical intimacy cheating? What about an online relationship? What if a couple practices ethical non monogamy? Couples need to define for themselves what constitutes infidelity in the context of their relationship.
How Common Is Cheating?
According to some studies, cheating is quite common in modern relationships. A survey by the Institute for Family Studies found that 20% of married Americans admitted to having sex with someone other than their spouse, while 13% of unmarried Americans reported being unfaithful to their partner. Another study by YouGov found that 19% of Americans said they had cheated on their current or most recent partner, while 17% said they had been cheated on. However, these numbers may not reflect the true prevalence of cheating, as many people may lie or hide their affairs.
What Causes Cheating?
There is no single or simple answer to why people cheat. Cheating can be influenced by a variety of factors, such as personality, opportunity, motivation, relationship satisfaction, communication, compatibility, attraction, boredom, stress, or revenge. Some people may cheat because they are unhappy or dissatisfied with their current relationship, while others may cheat because they are looking for excitement, variety, or validation. Some people may cheat because they have a low self-esteem, a high sex drive, or a lack of impulse control, while others may cheat because they are influenced by their peers, culture, or media. Some people may cheat because they fall in love with someone else, while others may cheat because they don't love their partner anymore.
What Are the Signs of Cheating?
Cheating can be hard to detect, especially if your partner is good at lying or covering their tracks. However, there are some common signs that may indicate that your partner is cheating on you. These signs can be divided into four categories: changes in communication, appearance, behavior, and attitude.
Changes in Communication
One of the first signs of cheating is a change in how your partner communicates with you. For example, your partner may:
Become more secretive or protective of their phone, laptop, or social media accounts. They may delete their texts, emails, or browsing history, or change their passwords. They may also avoid answering your calls or texts, or give vague or inconsistent explanations for their whereabouts or activities.
Become less interested or engaged in talking to you. They may avoid eye contact, show boredom, or give short or monosyllabic answers. They may also stop sharing their thoughts, feelings, or plans with you, or stop asking about yours.
Become more defensive or argumentative with you. They may get angry or annoyed when you ask them questions, accuse you of being paranoid or controlling, or start fights over trivial issues. They may also blame you for their unhappiness or dissatisfaction, or criticize you more often.
Changes in Appearance
Another sign of cheating is a change in how your partner looks or dresses. For example, your partner may:
Start wearing new or different clothes, accessories, or perfume/cologne. They may also change their hairstyle, makeup, or grooming habits. These changes may indicate that they are trying to impress someone else or boost their self-confidence.
Start working out more, dieting, or taking care of their health. They may also show more interest in their appearance, check themselves in the mirror more often, or take more selfies. These changes may indicate that they are trying to improve their attractiveness or fitness.
Start wearing clothes or items that you don't recognize or that don't belong to them. They may also have stains, marks, or smells on their clothes or body that are unfamiliar or suspicious. These changes may indicate that they are having physical contact with someone else.
Changes in Behaviour
Another sign of cheating is a change in how your partner acts or behaves. For example, your partner may:
Start spending more time away from you, either at work, with friends, or on hobbies. They may also make excuses to avoid spending time with you, such as being too busy, tired, or stressed. They may also cancel plans with you at the last minute, or forget important dates or events.
Start being more attentive or affectionate with you, either out of guilt, fear, or manipulation. They may also shower you with gifts, compliments, or apologies, or try to make up for their absence or neglect. They may also act more romantic or sexual with you, or try new things in bed.
Start showing signs of nervousness, anxiety, or guilt. They may also act more distant, cold, or indifferent towards you. They may also show signs of depression, mood swings, or irritability. They may also have trouble sleeping, eating, or concentrating.
Changes in Attitude
Another sign of cheating is a change in how your partner feels or thinks. For example, your partner may:
Start expressing more interest or curiosity in someone else, such as a co-worker, friend, or neighbor. They may also talk about them more often, compare them to you, or defend them from criticism. They may also hide or lie about their contact or relationship with them.
Start losing interest or respect for you, your relationship, or your future. They may also show signs of boredom, dissatisfaction, or resentment. They may also stop saying
I love you, or it less often or less sincerely.
Start changing their values, beliefs, or opinions. They may also show signs of confusion, doubt, or conflict. They may also question their commitment, loyalty, or compatibility with you.
How to Deal with Cheating
If you notice any of these signs of cheating in your partner, you may feel hurt, angry, betrayed, or confused. You may also wonder what to do next. Here are some tips on how to deal with cheating in your relationship:
Don't jump to conclusions. While these signs may indicate that your partner is cheating, they may also have other explanations or causes. Don't accuse your partner of cheating without having solid evidence or proof. Don't rely on rumors, gossip, or assumptions. Don't let your emotions cloud your judgment or reasoning.
Communicate with your partner. If you have suspicions or concerns, talk to your partner calmly and respectfully. Express your feelings, ask questions, and listen to their answers. Try to understand their perspective and motivations. Don't interrupt, yell, or insult them. Don't make threats or ultimatums. Don't assume that you know everything or that you are right.
Seek professional help. If you and your partner are having trouble communicating, resolving, or coping with the situation, you may benefit from seeking help from a counselor, therapist, or mediator. They can help you explore your options, clarify your goals, and rebuild your trust and intimacy. They can also help you deal with your emotions, such as anger, sadness, or guilt.
Decide what you want. After you have gathered all the facts and heard all the explanations, you need to decide what you want to do with your relationship. Do you want to stay or leave? Do you want to forgive or forget? Do you want to work on it or move on? These are not easy decisions to make, and they may depend on many factors, such as the severity, frequency, and duration of the cheating, the reasons and circumstances behind it, the level of remorse and honesty shown by your partner, and the strength and quality of your relationship.
Take care of yourself. Regardless of what you decide to do with your relationship, you need to take care of yourself first. Cheating can take a toll on your physical, mental, and emotional health. You need to prioritize your well-being and happiness. You need to eat well, sleep well, exercise, and relax. You need to surround yourself with supportive and positive people, such as family, friends, or mentors. You need to engage in activities that make you feel good, such as hobbies, passions, or goals. You need to heal, grow, and learn from this experience.
In conclusion, cheating is a serious and painful issue that can affect any relationship. However, it is possible to deal with it and heal from it, if you are willing to confront your partner, cope with your emotions, seek help from a counselor or a support group, and prevent or avoid cheating in the future. The decision to stay or leave the relationship is up to you, but whatever you choose, make sure it is based on your best interest and well-being.
