In relationships we look for one that leans into three of these definitions. Regard, living up to expectations and respect.
Each of the above require special recognition through our responsiveness especially to our partners. And they deserve for us to live up to the terms of our agreements by showing reliability.
In this article, one should take a good, hard look at what you believe about your relationship that is, your mindsets.
When you embrace healthy beliefs about relationships and each other beliefs that honor your partner and are rooted in the it becomes easier to communicate, to deal with the tough stuff.
1.MINDSET SHIFT
The way we think about our relationship and our partner matters. As a relationship develops, people develop beliefs about themselves, their partner, and the relationship.
These beliefs influence the way we act within the relationship, how much motivation they feel, how vulnerable and open they can be, and how flexible we are willing to be.
There are two mindsets that could influence us.
Someone with a fixed mindset might say, “They should know what makes me feel loved!,” whereas a person with a growth mindset says, “I believe my partner can learn how to love me if I communicate clearly and they work hard at it.” Or a fixed-mindset individual says,
“I shouldn’t have to work at my relationship. If it isn’t good now, it will never be good.” A growth-mindset person says, “Relationships go through periods of highs and lows. I think we can get through this if we both make a consistent effort.”
The thoughts we have are incredibly powerful, and they inform our core beliefs about relationships, which act as a blueprint for how we treat each other; this blueprint in turn impacts our behavior within our relationships.
Depending on these core beliefs, we might manage our feelings in a way that brings us closer to the other person or in a way that takes us further apart.
When we can combine a growth mindset with strong internal and external boundaries, then we can foster possibility in our relationships while still staying grounded in the reality of what we need and deserve.
Below are important core beliefs about the ways we should treat each other in relationships in order to work toward building a growth mindset:
We further breakdown some of the mentioned beliefs above to help us understand the importance of mindset.
“We Have the Capacity for Growth and Change”
When we become frustrated with our partner, we start to develop rigid, critical beliefs about them and about the relationship.
A key sign that this is happening is when we start to talk about our partner in absolutes: “You never show me you care,” or “You are always so unreasonable,” or “You are so lazy.” Or we use absolutes to talk about the relationship: “It’s always hard work,” or “We will never be as close as I want us to be.”
If you find yourself describing your relationship, your partner, or yourself in negative and unequivocal terms, it’s important to bring some flexibility into your thinking in order to open up space for growth.
You can do this in the smallest way, simply by paying attention to the language you use and softening up your fixed statements.
“I Don’t Have to Manage My Partner’s Emotions”
To have an interdependent relationship, you cannot manage your partner. You have to be willing to say the hard stuff and allow them to feel their feelings in response.
Many couples block clear communication through attempts to manage the other person. Instead of being honest, they withhold information to stop their partner from getting upset.
In reality, you can never control a partner’s emotional experience: if you say something and they feel mad, then that’s how they feel.
In other words, if you tell someone not to feel, it doesn’t mean they stop feeling. It means they might stop sharing it with you or they might
have to start sharing it with you in ways you can’t ignore, perhaps through aggression or acting out.
When you catch your partner trying to manage your emotions, then it’s okay to set a boundary. You can say something like “I am upset, and I still want to be able to have my own feelings here. Please just share your truth. I can handle it.”
If you tend to manage other people’s emotions, try to catch yourself in the moment:
“We Celebrate Each Other”
We can communicate better with our partner when we have developed a cache of positive feelings for each other. We do that by believing that our partner is worthy of celebration, that they deserve our affection, appreciation, interest, and excitement.
When couples are struggling, one of the first things I see go is the capacity to celebrate each other. We fear that if we are kind, it will make us susceptible to being hurt. Sometimes, the withholding is a way to punish or exert control.
But the more we look for the good, the more we see it. And the more we look for the bad, the more we see that, too. It’s not worth it to be in a relationship with no celebration of one another.
